You Are Thirty-one Months Today

You are a mountain climber
whenever there is a wall or rocks to climb
You are a ballet dancer
twirling around in open spaces
You are a dog walker
and friend to all animals, big and small
You are a magician
giving life to all your small playmates
You are a moon spotter
in the day or night time sky
You are an explorer
always ready for a new adventure
You are Juna

You are You

Co-sleeping

This is one of the sweetest experiences I have ever had and some of the sweetest moments I share with you.

Moments

One of our favorite times together is in bed in the mornings, which sounds like this:
"mmmmm"
"mmmmm"
"Mama!"
"Juna."
"Mama."
"Juna."
Juna puts her hands on my face and turns it to her, and we smile and say, "Hi."
"Mama. I love you."
"I love you too."
And we snuggle, nurse, play, roll around, laugh and talk about our plans for the day.  We might stay in bed for an hour, and when it's time to get up, Juna asks for the "bulldsdover" and I make a "crane with my legs and lower her to the floor.

I also love potty time.  We have the best conversations during potty time, since they tend to last 10-15 minutes and we have nothing to distract us.  Sometimes Juna asks the names of everything in the bathroom.  Sometimes we hang out in the poo poo cave (this is when we put the shower curtain around us to make a little tent).

I love when Juna is in my arms and she has her head on my shoulder.  I often hold her like this after her nap, when she needs time to transition into waking.  The other day she was having a hard time with it, said she didn't feel well, and I had jumped the gun by talking about going to grandpa's house to take care of the chicks (because I had an appointment that afternoon).  So I picked her up and held her for a while, and walked around the living room.  I was standing in front of the desk, when I noticed two cards (Nicole had made them for for all the mothers, but they were all different).  My cards say, "Cherish the Moment," and "Slow Down."

Juna, My Little Teenager Or Getting Through The Twos

About four months ago, at about 26 months, my Juna hit the "terrible" twos, or more appropriately, the extremely challenging and difficult, yet totally amazing, awe-inspiring twos.  I don't remember being two myself, but having been a teenager and a teacher, I'll venture to guess that this year is much like having a new teenager... the struggling for independence, inability to communicate frustrations without screaming, the need for silent, yet intense support and understanding are most intense at these two stages of life.  However, for Juna this is all new, she has neither the skills or experience that a teen has, although they often resort back to babyhood and are unable to draw from that skill pool or rely on previous experience.  This is not surprising, considering these are the two stages when the most brain development occurs.

And here is my sweet child, who at 24 and 25 months still had me crossing my fingers that the sweetness would last and we wouldn't fall into the depths of "terrible two-dom."  Here we are.  Trying to figure this out together, every hour of every day.  She has cried... and does several times a day (mostly when dressing herself... erg! the worst part of our day).  I have cried.  It is not a wonder that I happened to start counseling after Juna turned 2.  I highly recommend it for mothers of 2 year olds.   Juna and I have occasionally cried together.  I have spent a lot of time worrying that I am ruining her for life, or destroying the complete trust that she has in me, or wrecking our close relationship.  But like her, I've never done this before, and it's the hardest "job" I've ever had... although getting though my teenage years is a close second.

Time passes too quickly, my little one, thank you for reminding me to enjoy the moments.

Topics To Write On

Parenting Through Depression
Pregnancy, Trusting Your Body
When Thinking About My Child's Behaviors
Still Co-sleeping, Still Breastfeeding At 30 Months
Balancing Acts
Identity And The Stay-At-Home Mom
Mothering The Mother
Supermom, Caring For Your Sick Child

Two And A Half Years Old

It is unreal how fast you have grown up.  It totally blows my mind.  When I miss that little baby, I think about all those hours I spent holding you, singing, rocking and walking with you, playing, laughing and soothing you.  I think about the feel of your little body on my chest, the sound of your breathing, your cries, your babbles and smiles.  I still can't believe that I gave birth to you, and I feel some sadness that we have decided you will be our only child.  I will not experience the incredible journey of pregnancy and childbirth again.  But this journey we are on together is so amazing that I couldn't ask for more.

You are trying to balance your own independence with your need, emotionally and physically, for me, and it is a difficult negotiation, fraught with frustrations, tearful upheavals and growing pains.  You want and believe that you can, indeed, do everything yourself, and it is heartbreaking when your hopes are dashed.  But, after a maddened outburst or tearful downpour, you will pick yourself up and try again and again and again, most of the time.  You are determined.  You are relentless.  You are stubborn.  You will not accept defeat.  You will not accept help, unless you have specifically sanctioned it.  I admire you.  However, it is so difficult for this mother's heart and against my instincts NOT to help you.  It is evident that any intervention on my part just makes things much worse, so I am working on letting go and letting you do what you need to do to grow and learn.  i am working on being an observer instead of the active participant that I have been thus far.  It is difficult to exchange these roles.  It is so hard to just watch you get frustrated, when I could easily just turn the coat the other way, but I understand that is not what you want.  You only want to "DO IT ALL BY MYSELF!!!" no matter how difficult it is.  But when you are hurt, sad, tired, sick, shy or unsure, I will still hold you and take care of you as if you where my baby and not the totally independent child that you long to be.