At The End Of The Day

I would much rather lie down with you at the end of the day,
with my arms around you, listening to your breathing,
and reflect on today's happenings, while you transition
yourself from a long active day, into quiet and restful sleep...

Sometimes I want to get up after you go to bed,
have some quiet time for myself, or I'm just not tired,
and sometimes I am hoping that you will go to sleep
sooner then you usually do, that I won't have to stay
there "forever" with you, but I would rather lie
with you, with my arms around you, hearing you breath...

Even though bedtime is a long time,
and my evening always has to end by eight,
and we have to have our fifteen minutes of TV,
while you wind down from your day,
and we go to the bedroom, and you
take off your clothes and put your jammies on
all by yourself, and sometimes have a little trouble,
but mostly are ok, and you have potty-time,
which can last fifteen minutes, and you
need to drink some water, then we
climb into bed, sometimes you want to
jump like a kangaroo on the bed and I have to remind you
that it is bedtime, you get your babies all ready,
arranging them so they can see the book,
you pick out two books and we read one,
then you brush your teeth and then
I brush your teeth, and sometimes
I have to convince you that I need to,
that can take a few minutes, then
you need another drink of water,
then we read our second book, and then
I ask you to move your babies over so mommy has room,
and you are worried because it will wake them
and they will cry, but I finally convince you,
and they do cry, but you get them back to sleep,
it is about nine and I turn off the light and we snuggle in together,
and I kiss your head and say, "Good night, my love."

Then we lie down and nurse... and nurse... and nurse,
and you move around and get comfortable,
and sometimes you are not ready, and I remind you
it is time to sleep, and we lay together until you fall alseep,

usually thirty minutes, and I usually fall asleep after you,
and it is usually nine-thirty and I am exhausted.
But I am happy, because I would rather take this time,
I would rather lie here with you in my arms
and listen to your breathing, I would rather
spend my evening with you, even when I want
my own time or wish I could stay out just once,
I would still rather help you fall alseep
then listen to you cry, call or scream for me,
because for me, that feels and sounds
more like hopeless abondonment then
"learning to self-sooth and put yourself to sleep."

And because I am you mother
and it is my job to sooth you
I would rather spend this time with you
with my arms around you and
your breath on my skin,
then do anything else.