Having A Conversation

Having a conversation often sounds like this:
"What were we talking about?  Oh yeah.  Such-and-such.  Oh wait, that's too high.  Let's be careful.  Okay, so as I was saying... oh, hold on, don't kick your friend.  We take turns on the slide.  Well, anyway, I was trying to tell you about this-and-that.  What, honey?  You need to pee pee?  Okay, let's go... Well, it's time to get going.  Nice to see you."

As a mother, I don't have conversations anymore, except for the many I have with my daughter about things like how poo poo is made in our bodies.  There are some other things I no longer do and new things: 
Clean my house in a day.
Remember all of my friends' birthdays and send them something.
Remember people's names the first or fifth time I hear it.
Think about myself most of the time.
Have small perky breasts.
Read a book.  Read a whole book.  Read a book in less then 6 months.
Always be on time, make and not break plans.
Sleep through the night and wake myself up.
Complete a blog post, and most other things.
Take a vacation.  Relax. 
Do things when I think of them.
Now I think about child related things 80% of the time, I think it was about 3% prior.
Now I talk about pee pee and poo poo many times a day.
Now I am always multi-tasking.  

Becoming a mother changed me.  Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but I am a different person.  It has been interesting and difficult to get to know myself again and figure out who I am.  I mean, when you change everything that you do, it changes you.  When you are responsible for another person, a child who is completely dependent on you, your emotional and social life completely changes.  When you go through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding your body completely changes.  New research even shows that your brain changes when you become a mother, it actually grows in size and new areas are created.  However, sometimes it is my tight grasp on who I was before and old habits that inhibit this new transformation to take place smoothly.  It is also difficult that those who knew me before expect me to be the same person that I was.

to be continued...

International Day of the Midwife

To my midwife, my mother-in-law, my daughter's grandmother

Thank you for walking alongside me on my journey into motherhood,
for your kind listening, your calmness and confidence,
thank you for your strength, when my knees were weak,
for your quiet instruction, which was a beacon on my foggy shore,
for the hands that coaxed and caught my little one in their gentle embrace,
and handed her, healthy and full of life, into my arms,
thank you for being the convoy of so many amazing lives,
for your knowledge, your trust and belief, your love
and for being the amazing woman, person and midwife that you are.

Juna's First Beach Trip

 Part I: Travel

Packing

I have always enjoyed packing and organizing, I like to be prepared for anything and have options, but I could also just throw a couple of things in a bag and head out.  Packing is entirely different now and involves a lot of preparation, forethought, lists, stuff and double-checking.  All of our trips have also been long ones, usually two weeks, and that involves a lot of stuff.  This time it was only four days and five nights, but our first time to the beach and staying at a beach house, which meant extra stuff like Juna's bike and a little blow up pool (the first we forgot to throw in the camper and the second we never used), towels and sheets (both of which we never had enough off).  Preparations began a couple weeks before with just jotting down things on the to-do and to-bring lists as I thought of things.  The beginning of the week of I started all the laundry and putting the items we wanted to take aside as they became available.  Then I actually started packing 3 days before.  We brought so much stuff, you might have thought we were actually moving to the beach, which is basically what Juna thought.  It always takes the first trip to figure out what you need and what you don't use.  I can say I didn't forget to bring anything we needed but I did leave part of the baby monitor there.

Travel, Sleep and Routine

Travel has been difficult.  Juna was not a car baby.  She screamed and cried in the car on a regular basis... as in almost every time we got in the car.  I knew exactly how many minutes it took to get to all of the usual places we went.  Driving was the most difficult time for us until her extreme dislike started to fade and then dissolved around 16 months.  Suffice-it-to-say I wasn't too excited about traveling long distances in the car.  That kind of torture just isn't worth it to me.  I would feel so stressed leading up to it, then overwhelmed, sad, stressed, and in pain (when your child is in pain or distress, you suffer a new kind of pain you have never felt before) during most of the trip, then exhausted after the drive and then in dread of the ride back, which is always harder then the one there.  But, as I said, it did get better, thank goodness!  Although my husband would like to travel a lot more, and bought a camper for that purpose, I think every four months is good for Juna and I, it takes about that long to forget the difficult parts and only remember the fun of your last trip.  Of course, that will change as she ages.

There And Back Again

The ride to your destination is always a lot easier then the ride back, for several reasons.  Here are some of the typical reasons and those unique to this trip:

                            There                                                                 
-the camper & destination are exciting and new, you are on an adventure               
-uncle Jer rode with us (for fun and as navigator)             
-you are well-rested                                                            
-you are well prepared with healthy snacks, plus all the food you are taking with you                           
-you take your time packing, double check, and have everything you need at hand                                      

                            Back
-you have to rush to get out in the morning, so you are not well organized,
the camper is a mess and Juna doesn't get much attention, so she's already feeling upset
-the camper is old hat and just hot
-you miss a turn and add 30 minutes
-you are both exhausted & over stimulated 
-you end up eating crap all day and tummy ache ensues