My Father

My father is the best father that a father can be.
He wasn't always a perfect father.
Now that I am a parent I know it it a long process.
It takes adaptability, flexibility, patience and, of course, love.
My father has all of those qualites,
which led him to be the father he is today.
A role model for me.

He is ALWAYS there for me.  I don't exaggerate.
When I say "always," I mean every single time.
When I have been stranded, he comes to the rescue.
Whether I am on the side of the road somewhere,
with a busted tire or a dead battery,
or an emotional wreck.

He is the best listener that I know.
He is quiet and patient and just listens.
He does not interrupt, or judge,
and always gives his full attention.
He is supportive and kind and wise.

My Definition Of Success

Success: To be thankful and happy with what you have and to continuously strive to improve yourself and the world around you by doing what fulfills you.

Success Part I: To be thankful and happy with what you have...
- Create visible reminders of what you are grateful for (make signs with Juna)
- Give thanks at dinner time (create routine)
- Get rid of clutter and things you don't use

Success Part II: continuously strive to improve yourself and the world around you...
- Set realistic goals
- Create a community
- Be active in your community 
- Find what you feel strongly about and do something
- Educate yourself, never stop learning

Success Part III: doing what fulfills you...
- Work must be something you enjoy, that you can be successful at and continue to grow in
- A healthy work environment
- Free time should also be fulfilling
- Spend quality time alone & with others

to be continued...



Note: This question and its musing were inspired by my friend, fellow blogger & mom, Katie Davis.

Maternal Instincts Or Caring For Your Sick Child Is Akin To Torture

This Morning - Day 6

And The Hits Keep On Coming
I was feeling pretty hopeless this morning.  Juna's viral conjunctivitis (pink eye) seemed to have cleared on Saturday, I read that it is only contagious while visible (I'm not sure if that also means you only have it as long as it's visible), but this morning she woke with her eyes all crusted, but no redness or tears.  She DID NOT wake with a coughing attack last night, halleluiah!  She did the last four nights and it was awful.  But she did wake 10 times, give or take, but was able to go back to sleep easily most of those times... no so for me, of course.  Oh, but back to why I'm feeling hopeless... of course six days of not sleeping after a three month period of a string of illnesses doesn't do much for your optimism level, nor for energy, emotional and physical well-being.

Sunday - Day 5

Mommy Zombie
It is one of the hardest thing to separate from your child when they are very upset, sick and crying, but sometimes it must be done.  I have knots in my stomach every time.  We had another night of coughing and I am totally exhausted, not to mention Juna woke at six and didn't go back to sleep.  So at nine-thirty we started getting ready for her outing with daddy, and it all went smoothly until the last bit... getting her bunny ready to go.  She is tired and sick and everything is harder for her.  I sympathize, but I did what I could, then I had to throw in the towel.  I can't do anymore.  I can not encourage, insist or fight with her.  I am just too worn out.  So her father just left with her crying and calling for mommy, and it makes me feel sick.  But sometimes that is the way it goes. 

Saturday - Day 4

Maternal Instincts
I've often thought that having a sick baby brings out the best in the mother.  It's biological.  Everything else fades into the background when you need to focus on the well-being of offspring. However, after what feels like three months of illness, my maternal instincts are being put to the test.

The Trying-to-keep-it-cool Mama
We've had some rough illnesses here of late.  The stomach virus was certainly the worst.  And from that came the UTI.  Then recovering from those and the antibiotics has taken weeks.  Currently, it's viral conjunctivitis and a cold.  Juna is about twenty times more emotional and reactionary then usual, and I have to say it has pushed my patience to its limit.  Yesterday she was happy for about two hours, if you put all of the 10-15 minute increments together, and crying the rest of the time.  When she was a baby, she got her first illness, an ear infection, at 10 months, all I felt was compassion.  Now it's harder to maintain that sympathy hour after hour and meltdown after meltdown.  I mean, she IS a TWO year old now, which is already extremely challenging.  When she is sick, it's like, well, torture.  If I had top secret secrets and someone wanted to get them out of me, they would just have to say that I had to take care of my sick child with no relief in sight.  No one would ever come and relieve me... I would divulge all of my secrets in a heartbeat.  Luckily, I had already begun practicing taking deep breaths when we were having a tough time, so I was able to put this into practice the last few days.  And I feel I did quite well, under the circumstances.  Considering I was managing on little sleep myself.  I did raise my voice twice.  Although I don't like to do this out of anger and frustration, it did seem to work.  It jostled her out of her emotional spiral and she was able to communicate, and it didn't make her more upset. 

The Awake-all-night Mama
When your baby wakes you in the night and needs you, you turn into super mom.  Your maternal instincts kick in and you do what ever you can to comfort and make your baby better.  This has been crazy coughing attacks this week.  It's pretty awful.  She is so congested that she eventually has to cough/vomit it all up. 

Disclaimer:  I am writing this after many a night of being woken five or six times and getting about five hours of broken sleep.

Happy 10th Valentine's Day To My Husband

Ten years ago on this day
you said, "I love you."

I want to thank you for loving me
for all these years, and the ones to come.

 I love you because
you are patient with me
while I grow.
I love you because
you are dedicated
to growing yourself.
I love you because
you are ambitious
and believe in yourself,
and when you have doubts
you come to me
to remind you of who you are.
I love you because
you have encourged me
when I am scared.
I love you because
you let me be me
and you be you.
I love you because
you are a wonderful
husband and father.

At The End Of The Day

I would much rather lie down with you at the end of the day,
with my arms around you, listening to your breathing,
and reflect on today's happenings, while you transition
yourself from a long active day, into quiet and restful sleep...

Sometimes I want to get up after you go to bed,
have some quiet time for myself, or I'm just not tired,
and sometimes I am hoping that you will go to sleep
sooner then you usually do, that I won't have to stay
there "forever" with you, but I would rather lie
with you, with my arms around you, hearing you breath...

Even though bedtime is a long time,
and my evening always has to end by eight,
and we have to have our fifteen minutes of TV,
while you wind down from your day,
and we go to the bedroom, and you
take off your clothes and put your jammies on
all by yourself, and sometimes have a little trouble,
but mostly are ok, and you have potty-time,
which can last fifteen minutes, and you
need to drink some water, then we
climb into bed, sometimes you want to
jump like a kangaroo on the bed and I have to remind you
that it is bedtime, you get your babies all ready,
arranging them so they can see the book,
you pick out two books and we read one,
then you brush your teeth and then
I brush your teeth, and sometimes
I have to convince you that I need to,
that can take a few minutes, then
you need another drink of water,
then we read our second book, and then
I ask you to move your babies over so mommy has room,
and you are worried because it will wake them
and they will cry, but I finally convince you,
and they do cry, but you get them back to sleep,
it is about nine and I turn off the light and we snuggle in together,
and I kiss your head and say, "Good night, my love."

Then we lie down and nurse... and nurse... and nurse,
and you move around and get comfortable,
and sometimes you are not ready, and I remind you
it is time to sleep, and we lay together until you fall alseep,

usually thirty minutes, and I usually fall asleep after you,
and it is usually nine-thirty and I am exhausted.
But I am happy, because I would rather take this time,
I would rather lie here with you in my arms
and listen to your breathing, I would rather
spend my evening with you, even when I want
my own time or wish I could stay out just once,
I would still rather help you fall alseep
then listen to you cry, call or scream for me,
because for me, that feels and sounds
more like hopeless abondonment then
"learning to self-sooth and put yourself to sleep."

And because I am you mother
and it is my job to sooth you
I would rather spend this time with you
with my arms around you and
your breath on my skin,
then do anything else.

You Are Thirty-one Months Today

You are a mountain climber
whenever there is a wall or rocks to climb
You are a ballet dancer
twirling around in open spaces
You are a dog walker
and friend to all animals, big and small
You are a magician
giving life to all your small playmates
You are a moon spotter
in the day or night time sky
You are an explorer
always ready for a new adventure
You are Juna

You are You

Co-sleeping

This is one of the sweetest experiences I have ever had and some of the sweetest moments I share with you.

Moments

One of our favorite times together is in bed in the mornings, which sounds like this:
"mmmmm"
"mmmmm"
"Mama!"
"Juna."
"Mama."
"Juna."
Juna puts her hands on my face and turns it to her, and we smile and say, "Hi."
"Mama. I love you."
"I love you too."
And we snuggle, nurse, play, roll around, laugh and talk about our plans for the day.  We might stay in bed for an hour, and when it's time to get up, Juna asks for the "bulldsdover" and I make a "crane with my legs and lower her to the floor.

I also love potty time.  We have the best conversations during potty time, since they tend to last 10-15 minutes and we have nothing to distract us.  Sometimes Juna asks the names of everything in the bathroom.  Sometimes we hang out in the poo poo cave (this is when we put the shower curtain around us to make a little tent).

I love when Juna is in my arms and she has her head on my shoulder.  I often hold her like this after her nap, when she needs time to transition into waking.  The other day she was having a hard time with it, said she didn't feel well, and I had jumped the gun by talking about going to grandpa's house to take care of the chicks (because I had an appointment that afternoon).  So I picked her up and held her for a while, and walked around the living room.  I was standing in front of the desk, when I noticed two cards (Nicole had made them for for all the mothers, but they were all different).  My cards say, "Cherish the Moment," and "Slow Down."