Then You Were Two

Two

                                                       July 2013

For the first few months of 2, I thought, mistakenly,
"Maybe we won't go through what they term the "terrible twos"?  
Ahhh, and then, there it was.  "Hello TWO."

One of the times of greatest change,
absolutely awe inspiring and
painfully challenging at the same time

However tough it is on us, we remind ourselves,
it is tougher on them, and that we should take a lesson
from how easily and quickly they CAN recover
from the immensity of the intensity
of new and confusing emotions
as they navigate this complex world
with all of the new skills they are learning
and honing every minute of every day

You are 2
and you are absolutely amazing
in all of the things that you do

                                         5 days to 3

Because You Have Emotions and They Are Real

I can not say NEVER,
because I know it is something
that I have done,
and that I will do it again,
and I apologize,
but I promise to try
to listen to, validate and respond
accordingly to your feelings,
instead of dictating what they should be.
You are a child, you are young,
you do not have all of the language yet
to identify, understand or express
all of those very strong emotions
that you have, and it is my job
to help you learn how to.
You are a child
and this does not mean
that your emotions do not count,
that they should be ignored
just because you do not have the words
to explain them, or because
they are so big, you can not contain them,
that they are not REAL
just because they seem "over-the-top"
to the adults around you who have learned
to "control" or dull their own feelings.
I do not want to teach you that
some feeling are GOOD and some are BAD
that some are RIGHT and some are WRONG,
I don't want to applaud your unbridled excitement,
your exuberant joy, your uncontainable love
and then frown upon your anger,
your frustration, your fear, your sadness,
because all feelings have a place
and all feeling are valid,
and you will feel them all in your life
and that is as it should be.

Because it is my job
to help you identify your feelings
I will try not to confuse
what you learn about the world
by telling you that what you feel
is the WRONG way to feel,
with statements like, "Oh, that doesn't hurt."
or "That's not something to cry about."
because it may hurt and if you are crying,
then for you, it IS something to cry about,
because it is not my job to TELL you HOW to feel,
it is my job to help you understand how you feel,
to process those strong emotions and
learn how to communicate them.
I do not want to confuse your learning process
by telling you that you are NOT feeling sad
when you are feeling sad.

Because I do not want to teach you
not to feel, not to express your feelings,
and not to be able to talk about them,
or that what you feel is WRONG
because someone else thinks
you should not feel the way you do,
I want you to be confident in your own feelings
and not let anyone dictate your feelings to you.
Because I do not want to teach you
to feel ashamed, embarrassed, or silly
for feeling what you feel.

I want you to have a voice.
I want you to feel powerful.
I want you to feel confident and proud.

Having A Conversation

Having a conversation often sounds like this:
"What were we talking about?  Oh yeah.  Such-and-such.  Oh wait, that's too high.  Let's be careful.  Okay, so as I was saying... oh, hold on, don't kick your friend.  We take turns on the slide.  Well, anyway, I was trying to tell you about this-and-that.  What, honey?  You need to pee pee?  Okay, let's go... Well, it's time to get going.  Nice to see you."

As a mother, I don't have conversations anymore, except for the many I have with my daughter about things like how poo poo is made in our bodies.  There are some other things I no longer do and new things: 
Clean my house in a day.
Remember all of my friends' birthdays and send them something.
Remember people's names the first or fifth time I hear it.
Think about myself most of the time.
Have small perky breasts.
Read a book.  Read a whole book.  Read a book in less then 6 months.
Always be on time, make and not break plans.
Sleep through the night and wake myself up.
Complete a blog post, and most other things.
Take a vacation.  Relax. 
Do things when I think of them.
Now I think about child related things 80% of the time, I think it was about 3% prior.
Now I talk about pee pee and poo poo many times a day.
Now I am always multi-tasking.  

Becoming a mother changed me.  Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but I am a different person.  It has been interesting and difficult to get to know myself again and figure out who I am.  I mean, when you change everything that you do, it changes you.  When you are responsible for another person, a child who is completely dependent on you, your emotional and social life completely changes.  When you go through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding your body completely changes.  New research even shows that your brain changes when you become a mother, it actually grows in size and new areas are created.  However, sometimes it is my tight grasp on who I was before and old habits that inhibit this new transformation to take place smoothly.  It is also difficult that those who knew me before expect me to be the same person that I was.

to be continued...

International Day of the Midwife

To my midwife, my mother-in-law, my daughter's grandmother

Thank you for walking alongside me on my journey into motherhood,
for your kind listening, your calmness and confidence,
thank you for your strength, when my knees were weak,
for your quiet instruction, which was a beacon on my foggy shore,
for the hands that coaxed and caught my little one in their gentle embrace,
and handed her, healthy and full of life, into my arms,
thank you for being the convoy of so many amazing lives,
for your knowledge, your trust and belief, your love
and for being the amazing woman, person and midwife that you are.

Juna's First Beach Trip

 Part I: Travel

Packing

I have always enjoyed packing and organizing, I like to be prepared for anything and have options, but I could also just throw a couple of things in a bag and head out.  Packing is entirely different now and involves a lot of preparation, forethought, lists, stuff and double-checking.  All of our trips have also been long ones, usually two weeks, and that involves a lot of stuff.  This time it was only four days and five nights, but our first time to the beach and staying at a beach house, which meant extra stuff like Juna's bike and a little blow up pool (the first we forgot to throw in the camper and the second we never used), towels and sheets (both of which we never had enough off).  Preparations began a couple weeks before with just jotting down things on the to-do and to-bring lists as I thought of things.  The beginning of the week of I started all the laundry and putting the items we wanted to take aside as they became available.  Then I actually started packing 3 days before.  We brought so much stuff, you might have thought we were actually moving to the beach, which is basically what Juna thought.  It always takes the first trip to figure out what you need and what you don't use.  I can say I didn't forget to bring anything we needed but I did leave part of the baby monitor there.

Travel, Sleep and Routine

Travel has been difficult.  Juna was not a car baby.  She screamed and cried in the car on a regular basis... as in almost every time we got in the car.  I knew exactly how many minutes it took to get to all of the usual places we went.  Driving was the most difficult time for us until her extreme dislike started to fade and then dissolved around 16 months.  Suffice-it-to-say I wasn't too excited about traveling long distances in the car.  That kind of torture just isn't worth it to me.  I would feel so stressed leading up to it, then overwhelmed, sad, stressed, and in pain (when your child is in pain or distress, you suffer a new kind of pain you have never felt before) during most of the trip, then exhausted after the drive and then in dread of the ride back, which is always harder then the one there.  But, as I said, it did get better, thank goodness!  Although my husband would like to travel a lot more, and bought a camper for that purpose, I think every four months is good for Juna and I, it takes about that long to forget the difficult parts and only remember the fun of your last trip.  Of course, that will change as she ages.

There And Back Again

The ride to your destination is always a lot easier then the ride back, for several reasons.  Here are some of the typical reasons and those unique to this trip:

                            There                                                                 
-the camper & destination are exciting and new, you are on an adventure               
-uncle Jer rode with us (for fun and as navigator)             
-you are well-rested                                                            
-you are well prepared with healthy snacks, plus all the food you are taking with you                           
-you take your time packing, double check, and have everything you need at hand                                      

                            Back
-you have to rush to get out in the morning, so you are not well organized,
the camper is a mess and Juna doesn't get much attention, so she's already feeling upset
-the camper is old hat and just hot
-you miss a turn and add 30 minutes
-you are both exhausted & over stimulated 
-you end up eating crap all day and tummy ache ensues

A Week In The Life OR My Facebook Status In A Nutshell

Sunday Night
I can choose to stay up as long as I want, but I can't choose to sleep in afterwards. I haven't slept-in a single day in 34 months.

Monday Reflection on Our Culture
It it OK for our babies to NEED us, in fact, it is the way it should be! Our culture has created the myth that babies are suppose to care for themselves and start becoming independent as soon as they leave the womb... ummm, they're BABIES!

Tuesday Early Morning
I would have said, "Oh man!" when I got up at 5:30, but since I think Juna fell asleep by 9:30, and me shortly after, and I don't recall her waking during the night, I'm just fine with 5:30... plus she was the one who woke me but she fell back to sleep. Ahhhhh, a few precious quiet moments to myself!

Wednesday Morning Needs & Questions
We've been up for about 2 1/2 hours, but I am already worn out from answering about 85 why questions and responding to 50 other mommy-I-need-you requests, such as: I need to get up. I need to peepee on the potty. I need you to hold these. I need to get down. I need you to hold me. I wanna nurse. I wanna nurse some more. I need my Dora pants. You look for them? I need somethin' to drink. Can you find it?... So, it's a good thing I got a "I love you, mama." and a tight squeeze before we got out of bed this morning.

Thursday Night TV
OK, it is so a bad idea for me to stay up late... late for me now is past 10... but usually once or twice a week I just have to do it, sometimes the only hours I have to myself. And did I mention, Midsomer Murders (or whatever I happen to be watching) is so good!  Watching TV is such a coveted luxury these days, as well as: staying up late, taking a bath alone, doing anything else alone, reading in quiet, quiet, etc.

Friday Morning Sleepy Head
This is what it sounds like from 6:47-7:01: "I want to get up, mama.".... "mmmmm".... "Get up, mama."....... "mmmm"..... "I want you to get up...... I want you to GET UP MAMA."..... "OK, give me a minute."........ "No, NOW!.......I want you to get up NOW."......"OK, in a minute. Mama need a minute to wake up. Can you look through the window?"....... "NO. It's dark. I wanna get up. Wahhhh. I WANT YOU TO GET UP MAMA! Wahhhhhh".... "Mama's so tired, baby. I need a minute. Wanna nurse some more?"........ "NO. Wahhhh. Mama GET ME!" (etc.) ......Nursing, nursing, nursing........playing, tickling, snuggling, hugging..... "OK, let's get up."

Friday Noon Compliments
Me: You look great. (to a friend)

Juna: You say, "you look great," why you say that mama?
Me: Because she looks very pretty. Alex has a pretty mommy, don't you think?
Juna: Yeah. I have a pretty mommy too.

Friday Afternoon Nostalgia

I miss my students, I miss teaching, I miss my time, I miss my financial freedom, my independence, my late nights, my other social life, I miss sleeping late, doing whatever I want when I want, my memory, my date nights, my new clothes, travel, my books and writing, my career development, my TV, my clean house, and probably many other things, but I wouldn't trade them for the incredible moments I share with my daughter as I watch her grow and change.

 

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Juna, you are thirty-four months old this month of April,
you are, as ever, your fiercely independent self
and your often repeated statements are,
"Look mama, I did it my self!" and "No, I want to do it MYSELF!"
I have moved all of your clothes where you can get them
and you pick them out and dress yourself,
you have even mastered the big buttons on your favorite jacket,
the straps on your shoes, and getting on your backpack,
although if it were up to you, you would wear pajamas ALL the time,
which you also pick out and put on yourself every night.

You also like to do a myriad of other things, all by yourself,
ride your bike, that grandpa gave you for Christmas,
only about three weeks of frustration before you were riding like a pro,
during the winter you rode it whenever you went from room to room,
and now that it is warm and you have your helmet, you go, go, go.

You always want to try new "big girl" activities and skills,
like spreading butter on you toast and cutting with the butter knife,
cracking eggs, using scissors and glue to make collages,
and putting on stamps to mail your art cards to your friends,

You are also a great helper, you like to clean the house, your favorite duties include:
washing, stacking and drying dishes, cleaning windows,
and folding laundry, which you do with the utmost care,
you love to help with cooking, we make cookies, oatmeal, deviled eggs
and many other things that involve measuring cups and spoons.

You are a cat-sitter, a post office handler, a cleaner-upper,
a car seat buckler, 
and you are meticulous about taking care of your babies and animals,
wrapping them up, diapering, putting them to bed and feeding them.

You love to host tea parties,build with blocks and run your train,
explore the outdoors with Iris, run and kick balls, swim at the pool,
tramps around downtown with your mama and daddy...